8:46am

It was a Tuesday morning in September not so long ago. I was 16 and I had dreams of a life outside my small Indiana town. My dream was to move to New York and grace the Broadway stage...hell, I would have settled for being a lowly shop girl in New York if it meant I got to live in that fairytale of a city. On September 10th, 2001, the city was still a magical place. I would see it's iconic skyline and feel at home. New York was my dream...my escape. I had never been there but I would still manage to escape there in my mind and feel like I belonged. I didn't always feel that way...it's tough being a small town girl with big city ideas sometimes...at least it was back then. However, I digress.

At 8:46 am September 11, 2001 the world stopped turning...but I didn't know. My classmates and I were in the middle of ISTEP testing (Indiana's standardized test) and unbeknownst to us all the world we had woken up to that morning, a beautiful September morning full of promise and hope, was changed forever. It wasn't until we were released for lunch that we all knew. I was a student aide for our school's junior high choir and when I walked in to the classroom, all eyes were on the TV staring at a smoking pile of rubble. When I asked what happened all anyone could say was "They're gone, the Twin Towers are gone". I saw tears in everyone's eyes that day. Everyone's heart was broken. The dream I had once held so dear to my heart was shattered. Now my escape was no longer a dream, but a nightmare. I no longer had that calming, belonging feeling when I thought about New York. Suddenly, the narrow back roads of Northern Indiana didn't seem that bad. Perhaps that's a blessing but part of me still feels a loss. My heart still breaks every time I see the images of those burning towers...not just for myself but especially for everyone who lost someone that day or had to experience that day up close and personally.

In 2005, I finally fulfilled PART of my original dream. I visited New York on my honeymoon and I had a wonderful time...but I didn't feel at home. I will never know if I would have ever felt at home to be honest. My husband and I visited Ground Zero of course. It was the most surreal moment of my life. In a city that is so chaotic, so busy, that site was still so quiet. The mood was somber...no words can describe the emotion I felt...and this was almost 6 years after that horrific day. I will never forget the way that place made me feel.
Everyone has a 9/11 story. This is mine. I know in the grand scheme of things, I was lucky because I was in small town Indiana watching it happen instead of personally living the nightmare but it doesn't change the fact that it changed the course of my life forever. It changed us all forever. I wouldn't change what I have for all the Tony awards in the world but part of me still wishes I could go back to being the wide-eyed dreamer I was prior to that Tuesday in September. We all lost a little bit of our wide-eyed innocence that day.
Say a special prayer for our country today. Blessings to you all and our country.