8:46am

It was a Tuesday morning in September not so long ago. I was 16 and I had dreams of a life outside my small Indiana town. My dream was to move to New York and grace the Broadway stage...hell, I would have settled for being a lowly shop girl in New York if it meant I got to live in that fairytale of a city. On September 10th, 2001, the city was still a magical place. I would see it's iconic skyline and feel at home. New York was my dream...my escape. I had never been there but I would still manage to escape there in my mind and feel like I belonged. I didn't always feel that way...it's tough being a small town girl with big city ideas sometimes...at least it was back then. However, I digress.

At 8:46 am September 11, 2001 the world stopped turning...but I didn't know. My classmates and I were in the middle of ISTEP testing (Indiana's standardized test) and unbeknownst to us all the world we had woken up to that morning, a beautiful September morning full of promise and hope, was changed forever. It wasn't until we were released for lunch that we all knew. I was a student aide for our school's junior high choir and when I walked in to the classroom, all eyes were on the TV staring at a smoking pile of rubble. When I asked what happened all anyone could say was "They're gone, the Twin Towers are gone". I saw tears in everyone's eyes that day. Everyone's heart was broken. The dream I had once held so dear to my heart was shattered. Now my escape was no longer a dream, but a nightmare. I no longer had that calming, belonging feeling when I thought about New York. Suddenly, the narrow back roads of Northern Indiana didn't seem that bad. Perhaps that's a blessing but part of me still feels a loss. My heart still breaks every time I see the images of those burning towers...not just for myself but especially for everyone who lost someone that day or had to experience that day up close and personally.

In 2005, I finally fulfilled PART of my original dream. I visited New York on my honeymoon and I had a wonderful time...but I didn't feel at home. I will never know if I would have ever felt at home to be honest. My husband and I visited Ground Zero of course. It was the most surreal moment of my life. In a city that is so chaotic, so busy, that site was still so quiet. The mood was somber...no words can describe the emotion I felt...and this was almost 6 years after that horrific day. I will never forget the way that place made me feel.
Everyone has a 9/11 story. This is mine. I know in the grand scheme of things, I was lucky because I was in small town Indiana watching it happen instead of personally living the nightmare but it doesn't change the fact that it changed the course of my life forever. It changed us all forever. I wouldn't change what I have for all the Tony awards in the world but part of me still wishes I could go back to being the wide-eyed dreamer I was prior to that Tuesday in September. We all lost a little bit of our wide-eyed innocence that day.
Say a special prayer for our country today. Blessings to you all and our country.

Demolishing Mean Girl Behavior

Well, it's been awhile and I'm sorry. Things have been pretty crazy around here with back to school preparation and end of summer fun. Thankfully, as of Tuesday, I officially became the mother of a kindergartner. I was really looking forward to this day as the sibling rivalry/bickering was reaching a fever pitch and to be honest, it was making me a little crazy. I never really understood why parents look forward to sending their little ones back to school but now, after my first summer as a SAHM, I can say, without a beat, that I TOTALLY get it now. I love my girls but I HATE the fighting.

When she grows up, she wants to be a ballerina.

 That being said though, at least for the first few weeks I'm sure, the peace I get during the day with only having one child to care for, is quickly made up for in the afternoon with a whiny and overtired kindergartner. All day school is hard for a 5 year old. As overwhelming as this whole kindergarten thing has been, it's opened up a dialogue that I'm very thankful to be having with my girls.

Always the ham

Growing up, I was always kind of awkward. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Always trying to fit in with the "cool kids" and always coming up short. I had a group of friends throughout elementary school that I am very thankful NOW...but back then, I always took them for granted.

I still don't understand why I was never prom queen

By the time I reached Jr High and High School, I had the pleasure for dealing with the mean girls. Honestly, I think any female of a certain age (well really, ANY age) will be able to tell you that the movie Mean Girls, in fact, was about THEIR high school experience. I wont say high school was terrible (believe me...other people had it much worse) but I would have loved for someone to stick up for me when the mean girls put me down or made me feel small. I wish I had stuck up for myself...but again, I just wanted to be liked. Admittedly, I brought it on myself sometimes. I blame shows like Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls for expanding my vocabulary to epic proportions. High school mean girls don't like it when you use words they don't understand while you correct their grammar. Also, I blame my mom for exposing me to classic cinema at an early age. Again, high school mean girls don't like it when you audibly guffaw at their lack of classic movie trivia (seriously, you don't know who Gene Kelly is? We cant be friends...). You know...I'm reading all this and realizing that maybe I was the mean girl. Really...aren't we all from time to time?

Anyway...I'm rambling...the point I'm TRYING to make is that I am starting a dialogue early with my daughter on the effects of bullying (whether it be physical, verbal, emotional). I've seen the beginnings of a bullying nature in her and I'm gonna nip that crap in the bud like yesterday! She's not a hitter (as most girls aren't) but her favorite tactic is uttering the phrase "Well, I'm not gonna be your friend if you don't do this". I've been there, I've felt that sting, and my daughter will not be THAT girl. So, on the first day of school, we sat down and had a little object lesson. An object lesson I plan to make a first day of school tradition.

This is what you need: A clean piece of paper...that's it.

Admittedly, I found this little lesson on Pinterest but I found it to be very effective (even for a 5 year old). Charlotte and I sat down with the said piece of paper. I told her the paper represented one of her classmates. I asked her to look at how clean the paper was...no dirt, no wrinkles,etc. This "person" was on top of the world and feeling pretty good about life and themselves. Then I wrinkled a corner and explained that someone just called him/her a stinky head. I wrinkled another corner and told her that someone pushed him/her on the playground. I wadded a little more and told her that no one wanted to play with him/her and so on and so forth until the whole paper was wadded up in a tight little ball. I then asked her what we could do to make it better. Of course she said we should apologize so I then started to straighten out the paper. Of course the paper was still very wrinkled. I told Charlotte that the object of this lesson was to teach her that even when we say we're sorry, the hurt from being mean to someone is still there.

Honestly, I didn't expect her to get it but I really think she did. I asked her to be on the look out for kids who didn't have anyone to play with and to reach out and be their friend. The world NEEDS kids like that. Thankfully at the age of 5, most kids are happy to play with anyone who wants to play but kids are being bullied at a younger age every day. Breaks my heart to hear of anyone taking their own life in any situation but when a child does it because they feel so broken is just heart wrenching.
I encourage you all to start the dialogue with your kids ASAP. Do NOT tolerate bullying on any level. I swear if I hear another person give the excuse of "kids will be kids" or "this is an important life skill to master and kids need to suck it up". Um, no, an important life skill is to teach your children is how to treat others with respect! No kid "deserves" to be bullied...even if they don't know who Gene Kelly is (I'm sorry...I couldn't resist). I know school comes with up and downs and I know that my daughter will eventually meet a "mean girl" but I will do everything in my power to see to it that she is not the mean girl. I want her to be the girl that everyone loves because of her beautiful heart and warm personality. Let's all teach our kids to be that person. Stand strong and set the example.
Well, until I blog again, I hope the start of fall finds you well. Welcome to the season of PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!

Regarding Order and Discipline...

So I have been trying to establish some order in this house in several ways. I have been doing some much needed organizing of all areas of the house (you're welcome, husband), I've got a nice little schedule going for myself, and, above all, I am working on establishing a discipline system for our girls. Through the process of trial and error I think we have finally settled on something that works pretty well for us. It's a behavior chart paired with a consequence jar. Allow me to explain.

I organized the crap out of my cleaning supplies today...WHAT WHAT!!

So, I was partaking in one of my favorite hobbies (binge pinning on Pinterest) when I stumbled upon a discipline system that intrigued me. It was a pretty rainbow colored chart that had encouraging words such as awesome and super and some not so encouraging words such as oops and warning. Basically, it works like this. Each child starts on Good Job everyday. If they make a positive behavior choice, they get to "move up" to SUPER. If they make it all the way to AWESOME then they get a stone in their jar. Now, the blog I got this from had an individual jar for each kid which is probably ideal, but we had our "Caught Ya Bein Good" jar leftover from a failed "Supernanny" technique. It still works because they have to also work together to get stones...they encourage each other to make good choices...sometimes. And by encourage each other, I mean Charlotte bosses everyone around. The kid is a tyrant sometimes. If they make a poor behavior choice, they must move down to Oops (unless they do something to intentionally hurt each other, then they move to 5 Minutes) and then draw a consequence from the jar. I really like the consequence jar most of all. The consequences are completely customizable to your family needs and they keep me from yelling until I'm blue in the face. It's like a brief time-out for everyone We have standard ones in there like pick up your room, five minutes of no talking, no TV for 30 mins, etc but then we also have non-traditional consequences like give one toy of your choice to Goodwill, give mommy a back rub (my personal favorite), and draw a picture for someone at church. The possibilities are endless! Whatever you do, just make sure they're age appropriate (i.e Don't expect your 3 year old to wash the dishes or run the vacuum). And throw some silly ones in there (quack like a duck, sing a silly song, etc)...they may laugh and have fun (which may seem backwards if they're supposed to be being "punished") but it will distract them from their poor behavior and you wont be yelling as much. Win-win in my book. Oh, and if they're "in the red" and they do something to "move up" they can only move one space at a time. Tommie does a great job explaining it in her post...I feel like I'm describing a hastily thrown together board game...I promise this works though!

The Horn Family Behavior Chart/Consequence Jar System. The "Caught Ya Bein Good" Jar was from a previous behavior modification technique. Now we use it as our jar to collect stones for our good behavior.

So, what's to motivate our girls to "move up" the board? Well, if at the end of the day they're in the "green" (good job, super, or awesome). They get 5 stones in their good behavior jar. Once the jar is full, they get a prize (right now we're working for a trip to Jungle Joe's which is an indoor inflatable amusement park). We're almost there!

JUNGLE JOE'S!!!!!! Oh yeah, adults can enjoy the fun too...

All in all, our system is working. It helps them remain accountable and it motivates them to make good behavior choices. Hell, it's even motivated my 5 year old to go above and beyond what's normally expected of her just so she can "move up". There is no sweeter sound than your soon to be kindergartner saying "Mommy, can I have a wet towel so I can wipe off the tables for you?" Um, let me think...HELL YEAH YOU CAN! PARENTING WIN!

So, if you're at your wits end with your child's behavior, I highly recommend you try this system. It works and it has saved me sooo much yelling and that is worth it many times over in my world. Thank you again to Tommie of Oh My Gluestick for the idea and for helping establish some much needed order to our home.

PS: My girls have never made it to Lose Privileges but if they did, it would be losing TV time, bedtime stories, etc. Honestly, they've only made it as far as the 5 Minutes. Thankfully that's been enough to scare them straight but we'll see how the long winter months go...Lord help us all in the winter months...

My crazy girls...Charlotte and The New Jan Brady

Are you there God? It's me, Awkward...

I remember the moment my husband and I realized we would have two girls growing up in our home. I took sadistic joy when I informed him that was at least 4 proms to buy dresses for and 2 weddings to pay for...seriously, I've never seen a face fall so quickly...it was priceless. However, Chris was quick to remind me that I would be responsible for any future "talks" that would inevitably need to be had. I think he was thinking my color would drain just as quickly. Pssh...whatever dude...I'm a lady. I can handle the "woman" talk when the time came. And I vowed to be open and honest to any questions my little ladies might have. I was going to be their go to person for every womanly question or trouble they might have.

Fast forward a few years later. Our scene opens up on a frazzled, youngish stay at home mom in the grocery store trying to get her 5 year old daughter to put down the box of Tampax she just put in the cart and, most importantly, trying to get said 5 year old to stop asking (loudly I might add) MOMMY? WHAT ARE THESE FOR?! WHY DO YOU NEED THESE? CAN I GET SOME TOO? WHY WONT YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY'RE FOR?! At that moment, it hit me. The questions don't start when their bodies start to change...and I choked.

Now, this isn't the first time these questions have been asked of me (however, this was the most public experience...I saw you laughing at me Kroger associate). Any mommy will tell you that once your kids become mobile, all further "private moments" in the bathroom become essentially none existent so naturally they have had their questions. Sadly, I don't think I've given them good answers. I usually just try to distract them or change the subject. But why? I'm not embarrassed. It's completely natural and they're going to have to deal with it sooner than later. And then, it hit me. I want my little girls to be little girls for as long as humanly possible. Let's face it ladies...being a woman sucks sometimes. Our body is crazy. Seriously, the joys of womanhood are not for the faint of heart so why do I want to shatter the illusion at such a young age. When the time comes, I'll know it's time to answer the tough questions and bring those illusions crashing on down. Yes, I'll give the facts but I refuse to be one of these moms that celebrates their daughter's passage into womanhood with her very own copy of Are you there God? It's Me Margaret...I will welcome them to the club with a pan of brownies and a heating pad and a knowing look that says "You see why I didn't want to discuss this at a Kroger when you were 5?"

 All joking aside, I really do hope my girls feel comfortable talking to me about the tough stuff someday. And I really don't plan on the public school system to do my job for me either. But for now, we're just going to pretend that growing up is magical and not full of hormones, emotions, and debilitating cramps 1-2 weeks out of the month (if you're anything like me, the "pre-show" aka PMS is just as bad as the "big game"). For now, mommy just needs her special items and maybe a little privacy...

The hills are alive...but my brain is not

Whew! What a week...what a month! My extended absence has been largely due to the fact that Charlotte and Chris had their Sound of Music performances last week which, by and large, kept us extremely busy and exhausted. Poor Carrigan (who was not involved in any capacity) didnt know what to think. My "mommy guilt" was on high last week...she was the child left behind all week. We are, however, making up for it now with extra cuddles. Incidentally, the show was brilliant! I have never been so proud of my family as I was this weekend. I know I am a bit biased but my daughter was brilliant. The work she put in this summer was amazing! I was backstage "helping" her all weekend but, in reality, she was a true professional.
SHE knew her cues and was telling ME when they were and how fast her costume changes were. She knew every one of her lines, dances, songs...she was a shining star. Okay...brag fest over. The ENTIRE cast was brilliant. And let me just say my husband is the sexiest Captain Von Trapp since Christopher Plummer. It was a great summer experience for them both but if we're being totally honest, I AM SO HAPPY IT'S OVER! Who knew I would be happy to get back to the ol' grind of household chores and grocery shopping?

Well, if I am being entirely honest, my brain is still pretty fried from last week. It's what we theatre geeks call a "theatre hangover". I, more or less, wanted to ease back into the blogging waters and make my presence known. Until I am able to form a more coherent thought, here are some photos of my loved ones in their Sound of Music production courtesy of Chris's cousin, Vicky Klopfenstein. Enjoy!

Summer Lovin'

Well, the summer is half way over for this momma (though, for my Indiana friends the summer is drawing to a close very soon) and I want to just take a minute to say that I am loving (almost) every minute of it. This is my first summer as a SAHM and it has been fantastic to enjoy all the things I used to hear my bank customers raving about. And I'm TAN! Like an actual, honest to goodness tan. Okay, well, maybe not super tan like some people but "Irish girl tan" which is like a bunch of freckles really close together and a healthy glow. The girls and I have been having a blast (for the most part) so I wanted to share a little bit of what's been going on here at the Horn Homestead.

Our summer started out with a trip to the Midwestern paradise known as Sandusky, Ohio. We took our girls on their first trip to Cedar Point (America's Rockin' Roller Coast). Our girls had a blast so in turn, we had a blast. Some might think taking a 3 year old and a 5 year old to an amusement park is a waste of money but CP has a surprising amount of kiddie rides...including roller coasters!

Carrigan LOVING the coaster

Charlotte is our silly face queen

Seriously, I think the highlight of our day was seeing Carrigan's beaming smile as she rounded the corner of the Jr. Gemini. Three years old and the kid has already conquered her first roller coaster. Our only parental complaint (and really it was our own fault for not properly planning ahead) was the price of food. HOLY CRAP! I would say we spent AT LEAST $80 on food. Ridiculous! Anyway, I digress. I don't want to be too much of a curmudgeon because honestly, the joy I saw on the faces of my little girls was totally worth it.

The next adventure came the following day when we stopped off at the Toledo Zoo. First of all, let me just say that the Toledo Zoo is awesome! I saw baby polar bears, and a baby elephant, and baby monkeys...there were adorable babies everywhere...except mine. My babies were nightmares.

Why did we come here again?

I am chalking the experience up to one of two things. One being we made a mistake going to Cedar Point first. Logically, it made perfect sense. Sandusky is further East than Toledo so our logic was we would do CP first, swing back to Toledo, spend the night, go to the zoo, and be on our way home. No back tracking. However, when you take your children to one of the country's most celebrated amusement parks and then follow up with the zoo, it really does pale in comparison. My second theory is that the kids were just too tired to enjoy the zoo but let's be honest...I really don't think the average child truly enjoys the zoo. Most kids are in it for the chance to ride a train or carousel and to visit the gift shop. That's it. Parents take their children there to show them animals they don't get to see in their everyday lives but really, by the time you're midway through the zoo, it just becomes a game of survival and you trying not to feed your children to the hippos.

 If your kids actually enjoy the zoo (and I mean genuinely enjoy it) then congratulations...you're one of the lucky ones. Also, can I just say that I HATE that most zoos have a playground in the middle of them? Yes, I understand the zoo planner THOUGHT he/she was throwing us a bone by breaking up the monotony of animal watching by placing an oasis of playground equipment in the final plans. but can I just say that if I wanted to take my kids to a playground, I would have just stayed home and saved myself the cost of admission and overpriced zoo food...just saying. Anyway, the zoo was wonderful but the experience...eh. We decided when we go back, we'll go by ourselves and save ourselves the agony of dragging whiny kids along in a wagon.

This picture I believe captures the essence of our day at the Toledo Zoo

Well, after our Ohio adventure it was time for me to settle into my new role of stay at home mommy. All in all I feel the transition has gone well. I am still trying to figure out my "routine". I do know that Tuesdays are our library days and Thursdays are grocery days but beyond that, it's all kind of a free for all right now. Most days I feel like I'm a referee and nothing more but the house isn't in total disrepair so we'll call it a win.

Charlotte and Chris have both been busy with a community theatre production of The Sound of Music. Charlotte is playing Gretl Von Trapp and Chris is playing the role of Captain Von Trapp. They have been busy but I think both are excited. I am very excited to see my daughter upstage her daddy. I just hope Chris is ready to share his spotlight.

Lifeguard duty at the Horn Family Pool

So, when I am not doing housework or running errands, the girls and I have been spending a lot of time in our inflatable pool. The girls love to splash and play and I like to lounge and work on the aforementioned tan. Seriously, the best $25 I have ever spent. The only downfall is the amount of work that goes into keeping it clean. No filter means a lot of water changes. Probably not the greenest summer activity but I guess I am keeping the worms happy (the girls and I caught and then released 10 worms the other night...they liked the water we were dumping on the ground).

All in all, this first summer "on the job" has been great. I think we're well on our way to making some everlasting memories. However, I'd be lying if I wasn't just a little excited for Charlotte to go back to school. One kid in school means only one kid at home...and if Carrigan starts fighting with herself I'll be a little worried. Maybe I'll actually get this place organized...hey, a woman can dream!

Faithfully:A Tribute

So, I have been in a real funk this week. I keep trying to get out but I am struggling. The reasons for it seem so childish and almost selfish but it's something that is weighing on my heart and I want...no...need to share it. I need to let it out so I can get back to my old self.

Sunday morning I woke up in the usual way. I drowsily picked up my phone, checked the forecast for the day, and hopped on my Facebook feed to see what I had missed in the 8 hours I had been sleeping. I then read this:

Statement on behalf of: GLEE Executive Producers, 20th Century Fox Television and FOX Broadcasting Company.

We are deeply saddened by this tragic news. Cory was an exceptional talent and an even more exceptional person. He was a true joy to work with and we will all miss him tremendously. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones.

My first thought was "No, no, no...I read that wrong" so I hopped on Google and as I started typing "C-O-R-Y M-O" I saw it. Cory Montieth dead. The news stories that popped up confirmed what I was so desperately hoping wasn't true. Cory Montieth, the star of my favorite TV show and a personal favorite of mine, had died at the age of 31. My heart was broken.

Let's start at the beginning. In May 2009 my husband and I watched the pilot episode of Glee. Naturally, we were drawn to it being that A) We're both from the Midwest B) We are both show choir veterans and C) We understand and appreciate why A&B are connected. Most importantly, we love music so Glee was right up our alley. The first episode was hilarious and mesmerizing. I STILL, to this day, get chills every time I hear the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believing". I immediately pledged my allegiance to Rachel Berry and her love for Finn Hudson (played by Montieth). From the beginning, I knew that Finn was no dumb jock. Week after week we tuned in, growing more attached to different members of the New Directions show choir but Finn was always a stand out favorite for Chris and I both. We laughed with him and cried with him...we even felt like kicking a chair or two with him. We both felt like we KNEW him.

Glee has really been a huge part of our lives since we started watching it. No matter what was going on in our lives we always looked forward to Glee night. For one hour, it was like being in another world and those kids became an extension of our lives. Their triumphs became ours and their tears were felt by us too. TV can be a really intimate experience if you let it.

When I found out about Cory Montieth's tragic death, my brain did not selfishly go to "BUT WHAT ABOUT GLEE?!" My first thought was about his family, friends, co-stars, and his love, Lea Michele, who plays his on-screen love interest. My heart broke for all of them. My heart hurts so much right now for those who actually KNEW him but I am also sad because I, like a lot of fans, feel like I lost a friend. He was such an AMAZING talent and seemed so humble and down to earth...someone to be admired. His demons did not and should not define him. He was human and he was sick.

So, why am I so sad...I don't know. Honestly, I am very confused by my emotions right now. I am still shocked. I keep checking my Twitter feed hoping and praying that they got it all wrong. That it was just a really really really mean practical joke or something...but it's not. It's really happening. How do I cope? I watch a lot of YouTube tribute videos and have myself a good, healthy, ugly cry...though I'm not sure WHY I'm crying. I didn't KNOW him personally. I was just a fan. I hurt because I do feel like I've watched him grow. As a person, an actor, a musician...I really do feel like I know him on some level. It's weird I guess. He, and the rest of the cast of Glee have been in our home every week through our television. I know Finn from the show is not a real person to be mourned. I just feel like this little Glee universe has been shaken. It's hard to imagine what they're all going through right now.

Well, consider my heart poured out. The world lost an amazing talent and a great person. I really do believe he was trying to beat this...and I'm pissed that he didn't. I pray that God heal the wounds that have been left behind and that people will remember the GOOD.

Rest in Peace 1982-2013