Talk Nice, Mommy!

So recently I have made some pretty big changes in my life. After 8 long years in the banking industry and spending 5 of those 8 years as a working mother, my husband and I made the decision that we wanted to make from the beginning of our journey as parents. As of June 1st, I have been a stay at home mom to my beautiful girls. I have gotten a lot of unsolicited feedback from several people including, but not limited to, "You know it's not going to be easier, right?" and "Wow, seems silly to do it NOW that your oldest is starting kindergarten and your youngest isn't far behind" and my personal favorite, "What will you DO with ALL that free time?!". I have yet to find this elusive "free time" these people speak of but I do remain optimistic that it will come...someday...
Anyway, I digress...

Charlotte and Mommy enjoying the summer sun

 The decision to become a full time mommy has definitely been the best thing I have ever done. I am the happiest I have ever been. Even on a rough day when the girls just wont listen and speak in their native tongue (whining) ALL DAY LONG, I still feel more fulfilled than I did behind the teller line. These precious moments are a gift and I am doing my best to recognize the blessings that they are. And as 1950's as it sounds, I love serving my family (including my husband). For some women, the role of full time wife and mother robs them of their true identity and I get that. The work of a full time domestic goddess is not for the faint of heart. But as for me, for the first time ever, I feel...whole. Like I am FINALLY doing what I was meant to do. It is an unbelievable feeling of peace. However, my children and I are getting to know each other which has been...awkward.

The new boss has really been riding me hard lately...

So what do I mean by "getting to know each other"? Well of course I KNOW my children. I know their likes, dislikes, fears, quirks, etc. But have I been there day in and day out interacting with them 24/7? Nope. I would get them ready in the morning, take them to daycare for most of the day, and when I got home from work, I was on auto-pilot. So now, I am doing it all including full time discipline. In the past month, I have learned something kind of unpleasant about myself...I *gulp* am a yeller. Yep, I am that mom that yells about just about anything. I don't know why it happens and I know this isn't a NEW development but something has made me more aware.

Just the other day during "quiet time" (aka nap time) Charlotte was exceptionally chatty and I was exceptionally tired after a very long week of Bible School. My nerves were shot and my patience thin. In my frustration I spoke very harshly to Charlotte. I didn't say anything mean, per se, but the look of heartbreak on Charlotte's face was evident. She then tearfully says to me "Talk nice, mommy! You make me want to cry." Sure, I could have given her a million excuses as to why I was yelling but in that moment, they didn't seem valid. I HAD been yelling A LOT that day and she really didn't DO anything. I was just tired. So, I apologized. I explained WHY Mommy was yelling and that it wasn't HER fault but it didn't help me. I still felt about an inch tall.

I definitely fall into the trap that many adults fall into at times. The trap of speaking down to our children...bullying them without really MEANING to. Now that I am home all the time with the girls I am definitely more aware of HOW I speak to them and as ashamed as I am to say this, it's not always nice. Again, it's not WHAT I say but HOW I say it. So, I have made it my goal to speak to my girls with patience and compassion and most importantly...LOVE. Our children are a blessing and a gift from God and I will do my best to make sure they KNOW that. Wish me luck...these girls be dramatic as hell sometimes! :)