So, I know I have been quite the absentee blogger (can I even consider myself a blogger?) but something has hit me today and I need put it into words I guess.
So, this morning, I came across a story about a mom in Tennessee. This young mom was arrested by an undercover cop at the Tennessee State Fair after apparently screaming at her 3 year old daughter and then, horrifically, smacking her daughter so hard on the back that she fell over and then the mom just walked away. Thankfully, the officer sprang into action and onlookers came to aid of the scared little girl.
Let me start by saying that this young woman's actions are completely unacceptable. No child deserves that treatment. Period. However, I think I'm about to take an unpopular stance here and say I feel for this mom on some level. Please do not misunderstand me...this woman deserves to be called out and even deserves her trip to jail. The child's safety is of the utmost importance here...but who's in Mom's corner? How many of you have seen a similar scene play out and said or did nothing? How many have passed by a mom who is seemingly at the end of her rope? What have you done to help women become better mothers? I'm not saying publicly losing it on your child on some level makes you a terrible mother...I mean, we've all been there, right? The thing I am taking issue with is how quick we are to villainize each other. I don't know anything about this mother or about the events that led up to this terrible moment...maybe this woman is a monster...maybe this is just the tip of the iceberg of the abuse this little girl has to endure (and that thought truly breaks my heart). Or maybe this is just a young woman (mom's age is 22) who has never been taught how to be a proper mother...maybe this is a mom who is doing it all on her own with zero support system...maybe this is a mom that just snapped. I'm not saying her behavior is right...but before now, who has told her it is wrong? Who has offered to help her in these tough times? My guess is no one.
So, where do we go from here? I'm encouraging you all to reach out to each other. You see a mom having a rough time with her child? Ask if she needs help. Sure, she's probably going to say "no" but you're going to make her visible in a moment where she probably feels invisible. I know we're all busy. I know we all have our "stuff" to deal with and who knows, maybe you feel like that mom that is about to snap but when we reach out to each other, it makes us feel like we're not alone. Stop tearing each other down and build each other up. And any struggling mom that comes across this, I urge you to find a group of friends (playgroups, MOPS, library story hours are great venues to foster friendships with other moms). Be honest with each other about your struggles and help each other. I feel like if we were all honest about the help we need in this all consuming job of motherhood, stories like this would happen significantly less. Keep your eyes and hearts open. Don't let it come to this...
