Rant pants on...

So, I've really struggled lately with the "voice" I want this blog to have. Do I want it to be funny? Do I want it to be informative? Do I want it to be a glorified diary? So many questions get in the way and the more I try to make it something, the less motivated I become. And then reality set in. I have TWO followers. I am thankful to them for showing interest in my writing enough to follow my blog when I do publish the random post from month to month. I want to build a huge following some day (like Jill Smokler of Scary Mommy) but until then, I think the best way to get that following is just to write. Yeah, it might be all over the place but that's me. I'm all over the place all the time. That being said...here we go. Time to put on my rant pants...

From the time I became a mother, my opinions on a lot of things have changed. From breastfeeding to midwives to those little "leashes" you see parents use for their kids (note: I'm not going to open up THAT can of worms today but I will say this...after you lose your child for even a brief moment in a busy place, your opinions might change as well). But one topic of discussion will almost always keep me busy for a good hour or so and that is the topic of childbirth.

Admittedly, I am THAT woman. I LOVE sharing my birth experiences with anyone who will listen. It's almost always after the fact that I realize that sharing the story of the delivery of my placenta was probably not appropriate dinner conversation. Ok, I kid, I kid...I have never broached that topic of discussion but I will talk your ear off about my labor and delivery story if you so much as look at my child for a second too long. And what's more...I'm not selfish in this fascination. I LOVE hearing everyone's story. I could sit with a group of women and talk for HOURS about our "war stories". Having gone through childbirth I realize that it is freaking awesome! I think it's so awesome that someday I would love nothing more than to become a certified doula. It just amazes me to my very core. That being said...there are some things about it that just piss me off.

I'm at the age now that all my friends and classmates are having babies. I follow their Facebook feeds and wait anxiously along with them while they wait for their bundles of joy and I rejoice with them when said bundle of joy enters the world. What bothers me is how often these ladies are being induced or forced into c-sections that aren't necessary.

I want to preface this rant by saying I am not a medical professional. I will not give you facts or figures so take my rant for what it's worth.

First of all, moms of the world, pregnancy is long and uncomfortable and I realize you want nothing more than to hold that precious baby in your arms but forcing that baby out before he or she is ready is not good for you or your baby. Yes, I understand there is a time and a place for everything, including labor induction, but asking your doctor for an induction because your back hurts or you're just tired of being pregnant is not a good reason. True story: I know a woman who asked her doctor for an induction because she was just so uncomfortable and her doctor obliged because she was "close enough" to her due date. Her baby spent the first 24 hours of its life in the NICU because its lungs were not fully developed.

Allow yourself to pause in your reading to gaze into this angel face for a moment of zen

. Charlotte Rose 3-28-08

Secondly, let's talk about Pitocin (aka Juice of the Devil). I don't know why doctors like to dole that out like it's candy but seriously, it needs to stop. It is my understanding (that is supported by fact) that the use of Pitocin can significantly raise your eventual need for a C-section. Now, I'm not sure if that's caused by the Pitocin itself or if that happens when it's paired with an epidural (which you will probably end up wanting because, let's face it, Pitocin contractions hurt...bad!). Regardless, my opinion is that medical interventions often lead to a domino effect of more medical interventions. And most of the time, the administration of Pitocin is done for the doctor's/hospital's sake...not yours. Case in point, when I was in labor with my oldest, my water broke at 3:30am. Most doctors like you to deliver within 24 hours of your water breaking to prevent infection...I get that. However, at around 5cm dilated (which was around 11:30am...give or take) it was determined that I was not making enough progress and that Pitocin would need to be used...I was nowhere near the 24 hour danger zone and I was clearly making progress so why was it "needed"...did I mention I went into labor on a Friday? Yeah...seems to me that my OB/GYN didn't want me screwing up her weekend. Now, why didn't I speak up for myself? Well, I was so doped up on pain meds (that were given to me without much explanation of the side effects which basically consisted of me blacking out between each contraction). Kind of hard to make medical decisions when you're passed out. Oh, but why didn't I have a birth plan? That's because at my 35 week check up my OB/GYN didn't think it was necessary to discuss it because I still had "plenty of time" (I went into labor/gave birth that same week). I honestly feel I was robbed of my goddess moment because all the power was in the hands of my doctor and I think most women accept this fate because they're just a pregnant woman against a medical professional.

Rocking helped relieve the pain of those pesky contractions

Oh, you know...just updating my Facebook status between contractions...like a boss...

So, how can we stop all this unnecessary intervention? First and foremost, educate yourself! Watch The Business of Being Born. It's truly an eye-opener on how childbirth is handled and viewed in this country. It's not a medical emergency that needs to be treated as quickly as possible. It is the most natural thing in the world and should be treated as such. When you educate yourself you can advocate for yourself. When my youngest was on the way, I walked into that OB/GYN's office like I owned the place. I looked my NEW OB straight in the eye and told him that unless it was an extreme medical circumstance that I would NOT be using Pitocin. If induction was needed (and it was) I would be induced the most natural way possible (which I feel I was) and that I would be allowed to move freely and I would not be offered pain meds unless I asked for them (which...due to the most excruciating back labor ever and complete lack of rest my nurses AND I thought it best that I use a one time intrathecal dose of anesthetic to allow me some rest...the dose lasted just over an hour and I was able to feel the urge to push when it was time). I made my birth plan known from the beginning. I accepted that plans change and that my doctor would keep me completely abreast of any changes or concerns he may have. The ONLY concession I had to make was that in asking for a more natural approach to induction (breaking of my water) that I had to be within my 24 hour safety zone. We agreed that if I had not made progress at the 6 hour mark then we would have to use the devil juice. THANK THE LORD my cervix was cooperative! The fact is, if I had not taken the time to educate myself on my options, I would have just blindly accepted that Pitocin was the only way to go. All I know is natural childbirth (well...like 95% natural) is the most empowering thing a woman can experience. I felt like a freaking goddess holding that newborn in my arms for the first time. No one can take that feeling away from me and no one should take it away from you because it's more convenient for them.

Almost 10 hours in and still smiling (this may or may not have been during my medicated state)

Finally, I want to touch on something just to make sure I don't piss anyone off too terribly. I understand plans change, emergencies happen, or you just don't like pain. I get that. Natural childbirth is not for everyone and it is a personal choice every woman should make for themselves. Having a more "non-natural" birth does not make you less of a woman by any means (uh, you grew a freaking human...you win...forever!). My rant is not meant to make any of those mommies feel bad. My rant is directed at doctors who have little to no interest in your desires and opt to pump women full of synthetic hormones so they don't miss their 9am tee time Saturday morning. Don't let some man/woman in a white coat bully you into something you're not comfortable with. Use your mommy instinct and don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. Think of that baby belly as a bomb strapped to your chest...I mean really...who should really be calling the shots in that L&D suite?
Childbirth is so amazing! It's beautiful and empowering. Seriously...I could have taken on the world at the moment I naturally gave birth to my 9lb 3oz baby girl. I stared at her for days and thought to myself "You came out of me...and it hurt...but I'm still alive! I can take on the world!!!" True story folks...

So, in conclusion...I know this is a bit all over the place but if you take anything from this post, let it be this: EDUCATE so you can ADVOCATE. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with just because they have a fancy piece of paper on the wall and a lab jacket.

Rant pants OFF. G'night world!

Wal-Mart: Always a pain...always

So, I have kind of been struggling with good ol' writer's block. Every time I think I have a good topic and I sit down to write...poof! I cant put it into words and I give up. I blame mommy brain...(it all comes back to the kids doesn't it). Anyway, something happened to me this week that I want to share because, despite an appropriate "cool down" period, I'm still pissed.

Let me start off by telling you a little about my job before I became a SAHM. I have always worked in the retail/customer service fields. More recently I was a lead teller at a local bank. I have always had a passion for serving others in the retail/customer service rep (CSR) capacity so it really irks me when I get poor customer service.

Wal-Mart is known for a lot of things. Super stores, low prices, women in poorly fitted pajama pants, etc. But one thing I can say, for certain, they are not known for (or at least shouldn't be known for) is customer service. Here's my story...

This week I was on my weekly grocery/supply run when I remembered that I still needed to make a cape for my BIL for Halloween. So, I made a B-line to fabrics to pick up some black fabric. Carrigan and I picked out what we needed and made our way to the cutting table. As per usual, there was no one there. No big deal I thought. Just ring the bell. After ringing said bell several times (and sometimes quite obnoxiously I'll admit) I had NO response. After about 10 minutes of waiting, a "skilled" Wal-Mart associate asks me if I've been helped. Upon hearing my answer, she assures me she would page somebody to that department immediately.  At this point, I'm more than irritated. I have a grumpy 3 year old in the cart begging for snacks (when isn't she begging for snacks?!) and quite frankly, I know I'm a SAHM and my schedule is pretty open but the fact still remains...mama has s#!& to do! The last thing I want to do is waste my entire morning at Wal-Mart. Anyway, I digress. At the sound of the "customer needs assistance in fabrics" announcement, I figure someone should be RUNNING to my aide, right? WRONG! I waited another 5 minutes! NOTHING!

I finally decided enough was enough...time to find a manager. Upon finding said manager, I explained my situation. I explained that, in my opinion, when you hear an announcement that a customer needs help, people should be tripping over each other to get there. The manager made a call and then, very officially, tells me that the woman who works in that department is out today. Um...okay, I still need my stuff! She then makes another call and then informs me that someone was now back there waiting for me. Well, okay...thanks? What really bothered me is that I got NO APOLOGIES...JUST EXCUSES. I don't give a crap that Sue from fabrics isn't here today. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANDLE THIS?!

Anyway, to finish my tale, I got my fabric and a sulked off into the florescent blue yonder. I'm sure I was probably that customer I used to hate waiting on, but frankly, I feel I earned the right to be pissy. However, I have been left thinking "who's really to blame?". Is it the associates who didn't rush to my aid? Was it the manager for offered excuses in place of apologies? Was it me for waiting so long to seek help? In this, I have come to a conclusion. It's Wal-Mart. We've all heard the saying "You get what you pay for" so what did the Wal-Mart corporate headquarters think they were going to get by paying their employees poverty wages? Believe me...they are definitely getting what they're paying for.

I know some of you are reading this thinking "If you hate Wal-Mart so much, why do you go there?". The simple answer is necessity. The town I live in has few options. Everyone in my town hates Wal-Mart, but we all trudge there every week because we have very few options. One thing is for sure, as soon as a new store opens it's doors, they will have my business. Wal-Mart, until then, rest assured that I hate your freaking guts and I would like nothing more than to see your whole evil corporation crumble to the ground.

8:46am

It was a Tuesday morning in September not so long ago. I was 16 and I had dreams of a life outside my small Indiana town. My dream was to move to New York and grace the Broadway stage...hell, I would have settled for being a lowly shop girl in New York if it meant I got to live in that fairytale of a city. On September 10th, 2001, the city was still a magical place. I would see it's iconic skyline and feel at home. New York was my dream...my escape. I had never been there but I would still manage to escape there in my mind and feel like I belonged. I didn't always feel that way...it's tough being a small town girl with big city ideas sometimes...at least it was back then. However, I digress.

At 8:46 am September 11, 2001 the world stopped turning...but I didn't know. My classmates and I were in the middle of ISTEP testing (Indiana's standardized test) and unbeknownst to us all the world we had woken up to that morning, a beautiful September morning full of promise and hope, was changed forever. It wasn't until we were released for lunch that we all knew. I was a student aide for our school's junior high choir and when I walked in to the classroom, all eyes were on the TV staring at a smoking pile of rubble. When I asked what happened all anyone could say was "They're gone, the Twin Towers are gone". I saw tears in everyone's eyes that day. Everyone's heart was broken. The dream I had once held so dear to my heart was shattered. Now my escape was no longer a dream, but a nightmare. I no longer had that calming, belonging feeling when I thought about New York. Suddenly, the narrow back roads of Northern Indiana didn't seem that bad. Perhaps that's a blessing but part of me still feels a loss. My heart still breaks every time I see the images of those burning towers...not just for myself but especially for everyone who lost someone that day or had to experience that day up close and personally.

In 2005, I finally fulfilled PART of my original dream. I visited New York on my honeymoon and I had a wonderful time...but I didn't feel at home. I will never know if I would have ever felt at home to be honest. My husband and I visited Ground Zero of course. It was the most surreal moment of my life. In a city that is so chaotic, so busy, that site was still so quiet. The mood was somber...no words can describe the emotion I felt...and this was almost 6 years after that horrific day. I will never forget the way that place made me feel.
Everyone has a 9/11 story. This is mine. I know in the grand scheme of things, I was lucky because I was in small town Indiana watching it happen instead of personally living the nightmare but it doesn't change the fact that it changed the course of my life forever. It changed us all forever. I wouldn't change what I have for all the Tony awards in the world but part of me still wishes I could go back to being the wide-eyed dreamer I was prior to that Tuesday in September. We all lost a little bit of our wide-eyed innocence that day.
Say a special prayer for our country today. Blessings to you all and our country.

Demolishing Mean Girl Behavior

Well, it's been awhile and I'm sorry. Things have been pretty crazy around here with back to school preparation and end of summer fun. Thankfully, as of Tuesday, I officially became the mother of a kindergartner. I was really looking forward to this day as the sibling rivalry/bickering was reaching a fever pitch and to be honest, it was making me a little crazy. I never really understood why parents look forward to sending their little ones back to school but now, after my first summer as a SAHM, I can say, without a beat, that I TOTALLY get it now. I love my girls but I HATE the fighting.

When she grows up, she wants to be a ballerina.

 That being said though, at least for the first few weeks I'm sure, the peace I get during the day with only having one child to care for, is quickly made up for in the afternoon with a whiny and overtired kindergartner. All day school is hard for a 5 year old. As overwhelming as this whole kindergarten thing has been, it's opened up a dialogue that I'm very thankful to be having with my girls.

Always the ham

Growing up, I was always kind of awkward. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Always trying to fit in with the "cool kids" and always coming up short. I had a group of friends throughout elementary school that I am very thankful NOW...but back then, I always took them for granted.

I still don't understand why I was never prom queen

By the time I reached Jr High and High School, I had the pleasure for dealing with the mean girls. Honestly, I think any female of a certain age (well really, ANY age) will be able to tell you that the movie Mean Girls, in fact, was about THEIR high school experience. I wont say high school was terrible (believe me...other people had it much worse) but I would have loved for someone to stick up for me when the mean girls put me down or made me feel small. I wish I had stuck up for myself...but again, I just wanted to be liked. Admittedly, I brought it on myself sometimes. I blame shows like Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls for expanding my vocabulary to epic proportions. High school mean girls don't like it when you use words they don't understand while you correct their grammar. Also, I blame my mom for exposing me to classic cinema at an early age. Again, high school mean girls don't like it when you audibly guffaw at their lack of classic movie trivia (seriously, you don't know who Gene Kelly is? We cant be friends...). You know...I'm reading all this and realizing that maybe I was the mean girl. Really...aren't we all from time to time?

Anyway...I'm rambling...the point I'm TRYING to make is that I am starting a dialogue early with my daughter on the effects of bullying (whether it be physical, verbal, emotional). I've seen the beginnings of a bullying nature in her and I'm gonna nip that crap in the bud like yesterday! She's not a hitter (as most girls aren't) but her favorite tactic is uttering the phrase "Well, I'm not gonna be your friend if you don't do this". I've been there, I've felt that sting, and my daughter will not be THAT girl. So, on the first day of school, we sat down and had a little object lesson. An object lesson I plan to make a first day of school tradition.

This is what you need: A clean piece of paper...that's it.

Admittedly, I found this little lesson on Pinterest but I found it to be very effective (even for a 5 year old). Charlotte and I sat down with the said piece of paper. I told her the paper represented one of her classmates. I asked her to look at how clean the paper was...no dirt, no wrinkles,etc. This "person" was on top of the world and feeling pretty good about life and themselves. Then I wrinkled a corner and explained that someone just called him/her a stinky head. I wrinkled another corner and told her that someone pushed him/her on the playground. I wadded a little more and told her that no one wanted to play with him/her and so on and so forth until the whole paper was wadded up in a tight little ball. I then asked her what we could do to make it better. Of course she said we should apologize so I then started to straighten out the paper. Of course the paper was still very wrinkled. I told Charlotte that the object of this lesson was to teach her that even when we say we're sorry, the hurt from being mean to someone is still there.

Honestly, I didn't expect her to get it but I really think she did. I asked her to be on the look out for kids who didn't have anyone to play with and to reach out and be their friend. The world NEEDS kids like that. Thankfully at the age of 5, most kids are happy to play with anyone who wants to play but kids are being bullied at a younger age every day. Breaks my heart to hear of anyone taking their own life in any situation but when a child does it because they feel so broken is just heart wrenching.
I encourage you all to start the dialogue with your kids ASAP. Do NOT tolerate bullying on any level. I swear if I hear another person give the excuse of "kids will be kids" or "this is an important life skill to master and kids need to suck it up". Um, no, an important life skill is to teach your children is how to treat others with respect! No kid "deserves" to be bullied...even if they don't know who Gene Kelly is (I'm sorry...I couldn't resist). I know school comes with up and downs and I know that my daughter will eventually meet a "mean girl" but I will do everything in my power to see to it that she is not the mean girl. I want her to be the girl that everyone loves because of her beautiful heart and warm personality. Let's all teach our kids to be that person. Stand strong and set the example.
Well, until I blog again, I hope the start of fall finds you well. Welcome to the season of PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!

Regarding Order and Discipline...

So I have been trying to establish some order in this house in several ways. I have been doing some much needed organizing of all areas of the house (you're welcome, husband), I've got a nice little schedule going for myself, and, above all, I am working on establishing a discipline system for our girls. Through the process of trial and error I think we have finally settled on something that works pretty well for us. It's a behavior chart paired with a consequence jar. Allow me to explain.

I organized the crap out of my cleaning supplies today...WHAT WHAT!!

So, I was partaking in one of my favorite hobbies (binge pinning on Pinterest) when I stumbled upon a discipline system that intrigued me. It was a pretty rainbow colored chart that had encouraging words such as awesome and super and some not so encouraging words such as oops and warning. Basically, it works like this. Each child starts on Good Job everyday. If they make a positive behavior choice, they get to "move up" to SUPER. If they make it all the way to AWESOME then they get a stone in their jar. Now, the blog I got this from had an individual jar for each kid which is probably ideal, but we had our "Caught Ya Bein Good" jar leftover from a failed "Supernanny" technique. It still works because they have to also work together to get stones...they encourage each other to make good choices...sometimes. And by encourage each other, I mean Charlotte bosses everyone around. The kid is a tyrant sometimes. If they make a poor behavior choice, they must move down to Oops (unless they do something to intentionally hurt each other, then they move to 5 Minutes) and then draw a consequence from the jar. I really like the consequence jar most of all. The consequences are completely customizable to your family needs and they keep me from yelling until I'm blue in the face. It's like a brief time-out for everyone We have standard ones in there like pick up your room, five minutes of no talking, no TV for 30 mins, etc but then we also have non-traditional consequences like give one toy of your choice to Goodwill, give mommy a back rub (my personal favorite), and draw a picture for someone at church. The possibilities are endless! Whatever you do, just make sure they're age appropriate (i.e Don't expect your 3 year old to wash the dishes or run the vacuum). And throw some silly ones in there (quack like a duck, sing a silly song, etc)...they may laugh and have fun (which may seem backwards if they're supposed to be being "punished") but it will distract them from their poor behavior and you wont be yelling as much. Win-win in my book. Oh, and if they're "in the red" and they do something to "move up" they can only move one space at a time. Tommie does a great job explaining it in her post...I feel like I'm describing a hastily thrown together board game...I promise this works though!

The Horn Family Behavior Chart/Consequence Jar System. The "Caught Ya Bein Good" Jar was from a previous behavior modification technique. Now we use it as our jar to collect stones for our good behavior.

So, what's to motivate our girls to "move up" the board? Well, if at the end of the day they're in the "green" (good job, super, or awesome). They get 5 stones in their good behavior jar. Once the jar is full, they get a prize (right now we're working for a trip to Jungle Joe's which is an indoor inflatable amusement park). We're almost there!

JUNGLE JOE'S!!!!!! Oh yeah, adults can enjoy the fun too...

All in all, our system is working. It helps them remain accountable and it motivates them to make good behavior choices. Hell, it's even motivated my 5 year old to go above and beyond what's normally expected of her just so she can "move up". There is no sweeter sound than your soon to be kindergartner saying "Mommy, can I have a wet towel so I can wipe off the tables for you?" Um, let me think...HELL YEAH YOU CAN! PARENTING WIN!

So, if you're at your wits end with your child's behavior, I highly recommend you try this system. It works and it has saved me sooo much yelling and that is worth it many times over in my world. Thank you again to Tommie of Oh My Gluestick for the idea and for helping establish some much needed order to our home.

PS: My girls have never made it to Lose Privileges but if they did, it would be losing TV time, bedtime stories, etc. Honestly, they've only made it as far as the 5 Minutes. Thankfully that's been enough to scare them straight but we'll see how the long winter months go...Lord help us all in the winter months...

My crazy girls...Charlotte and The New Jan Brady

Are you there God? It's me, Awkward...

I remember the moment my husband and I realized we would have two girls growing up in our home. I took sadistic joy when I informed him that was at least 4 proms to buy dresses for and 2 weddings to pay for...seriously, I've never seen a face fall so quickly...it was priceless. However, Chris was quick to remind me that I would be responsible for any future "talks" that would inevitably need to be had. I think he was thinking my color would drain just as quickly. Pssh...whatever dude...I'm a lady. I can handle the "woman" talk when the time came. And I vowed to be open and honest to any questions my little ladies might have. I was going to be their go to person for every womanly question or trouble they might have.

Fast forward a few years later. Our scene opens up on a frazzled, youngish stay at home mom in the grocery store trying to get her 5 year old daughter to put down the box of Tampax she just put in the cart and, most importantly, trying to get said 5 year old to stop asking (loudly I might add) MOMMY? WHAT ARE THESE FOR?! WHY DO YOU NEED THESE? CAN I GET SOME TOO? WHY WONT YOU TELL ME WHAT THEY'RE FOR?! At that moment, it hit me. The questions don't start when their bodies start to change...and I choked.

Now, this isn't the first time these questions have been asked of me (however, this was the most public experience...I saw you laughing at me Kroger associate). Any mommy will tell you that once your kids become mobile, all further "private moments" in the bathroom become essentially none existent so naturally they have had their questions. Sadly, I don't think I've given them good answers. I usually just try to distract them or change the subject. But why? I'm not embarrassed. It's completely natural and they're going to have to deal with it sooner than later. And then, it hit me. I want my little girls to be little girls for as long as humanly possible. Let's face it ladies...being a woman sucks sometimes. Our body is crazy. Seriously, the joys of womanhood are not for the faint of heart so why do I want to shatter the illusion at such a young age. When the time comes, I'll know it's time to answer the tough questions and bring those illusions crashing on down. Yes, I'll give the facts but I refuse to be one of these moms that celebrates their daughter's passage into womanhood with her very own copy of Are you there God? It's Me Margaret...I will welcome them to the club with a pan of brownies and a heating pad and a knowing look that says "You see why I didn't want to discuss this at a Kroger when you were 5?"

 All joking aside, I really do hope my girls feel comfortable talking to me about the tough stuff someday. And I really don't plan on the public school system to do my job for me either. But for now, we're just going to pretend that growing up is magical and not full of hormones, emotions, and debilitating cramps 1-2 weeks out of the month (if you're anything like me, the "pre-show" aka PMS is just as bad as the "big game"). For now, mommy just needs her special items and maybe a little privacy...

The hills are alive...but my brain is not

Whew! What a week...what a month! My extended absence has been largely due to the fact that Charlotte and Chris had their Sound of Music performances last week which, by and large, kept us extremely busy and exhausted. Poor Carrigan (who was not involved in any capacity) didnt know what to think. My "mommy guilt" was on high last week...she was the child left behind all week. We are, however, making up for it now with extra cuddles. Incidentally, the show was brilliant! I have never been so proud of my family as I was this weekend. I know I am a bit biased but my daughter was brilliant. The work she put in this summer was amazing! I was backstage "helping" her all weekend but, in reality, she was a true professional.
SHE knew her cues and was telling ME when they were and how fast her costume changes were. She knew every one of her lines, dances, songs...she was a shining star. Okay...brag fest over. The ENTIRE cast was brilliant. And let me just say my husband is the sexiest Captain Von Trapp since Christopher Plummer. It was a great summer experience for them both but if we're being totally honest, I AM SO HAPPY IT'S OVER! Who knew I would be happy to get back to the ol' grind of household chores and grocery shopping?

Well, if I am being entirely honest, my brain is still pretty fried from last week. It's what we theatre geeks call a "theatre hangover". I, more or less, wanted to ease back into the blogging waters and make my presence known. Until I am able to form a more coherent thought, here are some photos of my loved ones in their Sound of Music production courtesy of Chris's cousin, Vicky Klopfenstein. Enjoy!

Summer Lovin'

Well, the summer is half way over for this momma (though, for my Indiana friends the summer is drawing to a close very soon) and I want to just take a minute to say that I am loving (almost) every minute of it. This is my first summer as a SAHM and it has been fantastic to enjoy all the things I used to hear my bank customers raving about. And I'm TAN! Like an actual, honest to goodness tan. Okay, well, maybe not super tan like some people but "Irish girl tan" which is like a bunch of freckles really close together and a healthy glow. The girls and I have been having a blast (for the most part) so I wanted to share a little bit of what's been going on here at the Horn Homestead.

Our summer started out with a trip to the Midwestern paradise known as Sandusky, Ohio. We took our girls on their first trip to Cedar Point (America's Rockin' Roller Coast). Our girls had a blast so in turn, we had a blast. Some might think taking a 3 year old and a 5 year old to an amusement park is a waste of money but CP has a surprising amount of kiddie rides...including roller coasters!

Carrigan LOVING the coaster

Charlotte is our silly face queen

Seriously, I think the highlight of our day was seeing Carrigan's beaming smile as she rounded the corner of the Jr. Gemini. Three years old and the kid has already conquered her first roller coaster. Our only parental complaint (and really it was our own fault for not properly planning ahead) was the price of food. HOLY CRAP! I would say we spent AT LEAST $80 on food. Ridiculous! Anyway, I digress. I don't want to be too much of a curmudgeon because honestly, the joy I saw on the faces of my little girls was totally worth it.

The next adventure came the following day when we stopped off at the Toledo Zoo. First of all, let me just say that the Toledo Zoo is awesome! I saw baby polar bears, and a baby elephant, and baby monkeys...there were adorable babies everywhere...except mine. My babies were nightmares.

Why did we come here again?

I am chalking the experience up to one of two things. One being we made a mistake going to Cedar Point first. Logically, it made perfect sense. Sandusky is further East than Toledo so our logic was we would do CP first, swing back to Toledo, spend the night, go to the zoo, and be on our way home. No back tracking. However, when you take your children to one of the country's most celebrated amusement parks and then follow up with the zoo, it really does pale in comparison. My second theory is that the kids were just too tired to enjoy the zoo but let's be honest...I really don't think the average child truly enjoys the zoo. Most kids are in it for the chance to ride a train or carousel and to visit the gift shop. That's it. Parents take their children there to show them animals they don't get to see in their everyday lives but really, by the time you're midway through the zoo, it just becomes a game of survival and you trying not to feed your children to the hippos.

 If your kids actually enjoy the zoo (and I mean genuinely enjoy it) then congratulations...you're one of the lucky ones. Also, can I just say that I HATE that most zoos have a playground in the middle of them? Yes, I understand the zoo planner THOUGHT he/she was throwing us a bone by breaking up the monotony of animal watching by placing an oasis of playground equipment in the final plans. but can I just say that if I wanted to take my kids to a playground, I would have just stayed home and saved myself the cost of admission and overpriced zoo food...just saying. Anyway, the zoo was wonderful but the experience...eh. We decided when we go back, we'll go by ourselves and save ourselves the agony of dragging whiny kids along in a wagon.

This picture I believe captures the essence of our day at the Toledo Zoo

Well, after our Ohio adventure it was time for me to settle into my new role of stay at home mommy. All in all I feel the transition has gone well. I am still trying to figure out my "routine". I do know that Tuesdays are our library days and Thursdays are grocery days but beyond that, it's all kind of a free for all right now. Most days I feel like I'm a referee and nothing more but the house isn't in total disrepair so we'll call it a win.

Charlotte and Chris have both been busy with a community theatre production of The Sound of Music. Charlotte is playing Gretl Von Trapp and Chris is playing the role of Captain Von Trapp. They have been busy but I think both are excited. I am very excited to see my daughter upstage her daddy. I just hope Chris is ready to share his spotlight.

Lifeguard duty at the Horn Family Pool

So, when I am not doing housework or running errands, the girls and I have been spending a lot of time in our inflatable pool. The girls love to splash and play and I like to lounge and work on the aforementioned tan. Seriously, the best $25 I have ever spent. The only downfall is the amount of work that goes into keeping it clean. No filter means a lot of water changes. Probably not the greenest summer activity but I guess I am keeping the worms happy (the girls and I caught and then released 10 worms the other night...they liked the water we were dumping on the ground).

All in all, this first summer "on the job" has been great. I think we're well on our way to making some everlasting memories. However, I'd be lying if I wasn't just a little excited for Charlotte to go back to school. One kid in school means only one kid at home...and if Carrigan starts fighting with herself I'll be a little worried. Maybe I'll actually get this place organized...hey, a woman can dream!

Faithfully:A Tribute

So, I have been in a real funk this week. I keep trying to get out but I am struggling. The reasons for it seem so childish and almost selfish but it's something that is weighing on my heart and I want...no...need to share it. I need to let it out so I can get back to my old self.

Sunday morning I woke up in the usual way. I drowsily picked up my phone, checked the forecast for the day, and hopped on my Facebook feed to see what I had missed in the 8 hours I had been sleeping. I then read this:

Statement on behalf of: GLEE Executive Producers, 20th Century Fox Television and FOX Broadcasting Company.

We are deeply saddened by this tragic news. Cory was an exceptional talent and an even more exceptional person. He was a true joy to work with and we will all miss him tremendously. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones.

My first thought was "No, no, no...I read that wrong" so I hopped on Google and as I started typing "C-O-R-Y M-O" I saw it. Cory Montieth dead. The news stories that popped up confirmed what I was so desperately hoping wasn't true. Cory Montieth, the star of my favorite TV show and a personal favorite of mine, had died at the age of 31. My heart was broken.

Let's start at the beginning. In May 2009 my husband and I watched the pilot episode of Glee. Naturally, we were drawn to it being that A) We're both from the Midwest B) We are both show choir veterans and C) We understand and appreciate why A&B are connected. Most importantly, we love music so Glee was right up our alley. The first episode was hilarious and mesmerizing. I STILL, to this day, get chills every time I hear the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believing". I immediately pledged my allegiance to Rachel Berry and her love for Finn Hudson (played by Montieth). From the beginning, I knew that Finn was no dumb jock. Week after week we tuned in, growing more attached to different members of the New Directions show choir but Finn was always a stand out favorite for Chris and I both. We laughed with him and cried with him...we even felt like kicking a chair or two with him. We both felt like we KNEW him.

Glee has really been a huge part of our lives since we started watching it. No matter what was going on in our lives we always looked forward to Glee night. For one hour, it was like being in another world and those kids became an extension of our lives. Their triumphs became ours and their tears were felt by us too. TV can be a really intimate experience if you let it.

When I found out about Cory Montieth's tragic death, my brain did not selfishly go to "BUT WHAT ABOUT GLEE?!" My first thought was about his family, friends, co-stars, and his love, Lea Michele, who plays his on-screen love interest. My heart broke for all of them. My heart hurts so much right now for those who actually KNEW him but I am also sad because I, like a lot of fans, feel like I lost a friend. He was such an AMAZING talent and seemed so humble and down to earth...someone to be admired. His demons did not and should not define him. He was human and he was sick.

So, why am I so sad...I don't know. Honestly, I am very confused by my emotions right now. I am still shocked. I keep checking my Twitter feed hoping and praying that they got it all wrong. That it was just a really really really mean practical joke or something...but it's not. It's really happening. How do I cope? I watch a lot of YouTube tribute videos and have myself a good, healthy, ugly cry...though I'm not sure WHY I'm crying. I didn't KNOW him personally. I was just a fan. I hurt because I do feel like I've watched him grow. As a person, an actor, a musician...I really do feel like I know him on some level. It's weird I guess. He, and the rest of the cast of Glee have been in our home every week through our television. I know Finn from the show is not a real person to be mourned. I just feel like this little Glee universe has been shaken. It's hard to imagine what they're all going through right now.

Well, consider my heart poured out. The world lost an amazing talent and a great person. I really do believe he was trying to beat this...and I'm pissed that he didn't. I pray that God heal the wounds that have been left behind and that people will remember the GOOD.

Rest in Peace 1982-2013 

Date Night Musings

Tonight my husband and I are enjoying a rare treat...a house without children!(THANKS MOM!) Some may call it date night. I call it FUN! So, you might be asking yourself why on earth am I blogging when I can be cuddling it up with my man? Well, this is our version or "date night". We are currently camped out on the couch watching Netflix documentaries and drinking a much deserved beer together. It really is magical.

As parents, I feel like a lot of us put pressure on ourselves to make "date night" a grand affair. Dinner, drinks, maybe a movie, and a little...well...you know. Oh yeah, and absolutely NO TALKING ABOUT THE KIDS! Right? Well, date night might look like that to some folks (celebrities and other people with nannies I assume) but for most of us it probably looks like this:

Dinner 
Tonight's dinner consisted of walking down to a local pizza joint with coupon in tow (because we're frugal, it's just how we roll). We get to said eatery only to find out the coupon was no longer being accepted but we stay anyway because I'm not walking back in the summer heat without food in my belly. Incidentally, the pizza was AH-MAZING. We then decided that this was OUR pizza place because if we brought our kids here they would just complain that the pizza was not to their liking. Kids are the worst sometimes...

Me and my AH-MAZING pizza from Mike's Pizza and Subs

Dessert
On our walk back home we stop at a local ice cream shop where my husband gets a bowl of Blue Moon ice cream and I awkwardly over share with the nice girl behind the counter by telling her that  I'm lactose intolerant which is basically saying "If I eat ice cream, I might poop my pants". You know...I never used to be lactose intolerant. It was an unpleasant side effect brought out by my first pregnancy and it never left. Did I mention kids are the worst sometimes?

Entertainment
So tonight's entertainment was our first viewing of Oz: The Great and Powerful. We did this to "pre-screen it for the kids"...oh, who am I kidding? Chris and I LOVE all things Oz related and were more than willing participants. Incidentally, we decided the girls are NOT ready to see it (it's kind of scary in some parts). Oh yeah, we also took time to make some mildly inappropriate jokes...something we NEVER get to do when the kids are around. Did you know my husband is HILARIOUS? I mean, I knew that was part of what I fell in love with but man, it's easy to forget when we're dealing with the rigors for parenthood.

I love being silly with my man

After the movie...
So this is where the...you know...comes in right? WRONG! After the movie, Chris proceeded to work on the patio (IT'S ALMOST DONE YA'LL!!) and I did dishes and general clean up. And now, we're watching Netflix, drinking a beer, and blogging all while enjoying each others' company. And frankly, I am a bit appalled that you think I would talk about something so private on my public blog...for shame, perverts.

There is no one I would rather share my popcorn (and kisses) with. 

Photo courtesy of Limelight Photography-Lauren Sterling

The thing I'm trying to say is don't put so much pressure on date night. The more you expect from it, the more awkward it will be. And lose the rule about not talking about your kids. By doing that, you miss out on a different way to enjoy your kids and their antics. That time they colored on your dining room wall (yeah...that happened) is ALWAYS funnier with a glass of pinot in your hand and the man you love sitting across from you.

Artwork courtesy of Carrigan Jean (FYI: WD40 works great for removing crayon from a dining room wall)

The time away from the kidlets is also a great time to regroup, restrategize, and revamp any parenting issues that may be causing problems. I'm not saying talk about your kids exclusively but believe me, the more you try to leave them out of the conversation, the more forced the evening will seem. All in all, have fun! I have laughed more tonight than I have all week. I really picked a good one.

Rainy Day Crafts: Pet Rocks

So earlier this spring, my husband and I decided our backyard was missing something...a patio! So we went to work...and by we, I mean HE went to work. And to be fair, I attempted to help but there were earwigs on EVERYTHING and I think he got tired of hearing me scream and swear every 5 seconds. Pair that with my natural "indoorsy" personality and that makes me a lousy helper when it comes to outdoor projects. He is way too good to me sometimes.

Chris digging out our patio. I posted this on Facebook with the caption saying "If I ask him to go any bigger, his next project will be digging my grave". People thought I was joking...

The thing about digging up that much topsoil is that it produces a lot of rocks of various shapes and sizes. To the untrained eye and mind this might seem like an inconvenience but to me, I saw opportunity for an awesome activity for the girls; pet rocks. Now those of an older generation your first thought might be that stupid novelty gift from the 70s that was a rock in a box...that's it. Drugs really messed you guys up, huh? Who buys a plain ol' rock?! Excuse me while I take a sip from my Dasani (that's bottled water for those who didn't get the joke).

Anyway, this is what we used/needed for our project:

• Small(ish) rocks that are smooth in nature (jagged rocks are hard to paint)
• Craft paint (acrylic works best but if you're worried about your kids using it washable "kid paint" would PROBABLY be okay but I cant say as we didn't use it)
• GLITTER (yes, I know...glitter is the herpes of craft supplies...you will not get rid of it but when you are the mother of two girls it's just easier to accept the fact that glitter WILL come into this house because when you have girls, they put glitter on EVERYTHING)
• Googly eyes
• Yarn (a short little piece will work just fine as we just used it for the mouth but if you want to get brave and make hair then you'll need more)
• Pom-Pom (for the nose)
• All purpose craft glue (School glue will not cut it...sorry. You can try but you and your children will get frustrated)
• Paint brushes
• Protective gear for your children and your table (aka smocks and table covering)

We started out cleaning the rocks the best we could to remove any excess dirt. This can be accomplished by running it under warm water and maybe a little scrub with the rough side of the sponge. It doesn't need to be super vigorous or anything. Dry them off with a dish towel and now you're ready to paint. My girls like to mix colors and such so this is the fun (aka messy) part. Just let them have at it and maybe try to smooth out globs if necessary.

Once you're done painting it's time for glitter (if you so choose). We just applied the glitter onto the wet paint. This way you can continue on with your project without too much wait time (which is coming next...). If you're kids are like mine, this part might get a little crazy. I tried to tell them to shake it like a salt shaker but apparently this meant shake it like you're trying to pass bits of concrete through the salt shaker because they went crazy! There was glitter everywhere!

It was glitter madness! Check out Carrigan's blurry hand action due to her vigorous glitter shaking

When the painting and glitter are done, now is the least fun part...waiting. I guess you could try to dry them faster with a hair dryer or something but I think it's important to teach kids patience so we waited. An hour or two should do it (maybe watch a movie together?). As long as the paint isn't too globby you shouldn't have to wait forever.

When you're new friends are dry, it's time to give them personality. This is the fun part that isn't too messy (HUZZAH!). Give your rock eyes, a nose, and mouth using your pom-poms, yarn, and eyes. If you want to get really brave and give them hair then just attach more yarn (and God be with you). Also, if you're worried about the glitter falling off (but really, at this point, does it REALLY matter?) then you can use a spray on clear coat. Just make sure you do it outside because it's smelly and honestly, I'm not sure how much you'd want your little one handling it after that. We didn't use it but I have also accepted my glitter fate (I tell you...it's everywhere!).

Carrigan and Charlotte's Pet Rocks gracefully adorning our mantle

There you have it. Pet rocks. They make wonderful additions to any decor and make marvelous paper weights. Both girls LOVED this project and my part in it was pretty minimal (I helped with glue placement...that's it). I do not pretend to have created this project as I have seen numerous similar posts on Pinterest but this was my take on those projects and I encourage you to do the same. Remember, everything can be washed and that's what play clothes and smocks are for. HAVE FUN and make memories!

Jekyll & Hyde Days

It's true what they say about women...we're sweet, we're caring, we're delicate, we're...emotionally unstable most of the time. Okay, okay...you might be denying that last statement but it's because you're on an upswing this week. I will be the first to admit I am emotional to a fault. I HAVE actually cried over spilled milk, I often take my husband's jokes at my expense personally (even if I DID laugh at the same joke a week ago), and I cry when I'm happy, sad, and angry. It's who I am...and thank goodness for the invention of mood altering prescription drugs (I know this can be a touchy subject that people can get a bit opinionated on but for me, Zoloft is my friend and I am not ashamed to say I need a little medical help when it comes to my emotional well being). Without the help of my "happy pills" I tend to go from zero to cray-cray in a matter of seconds.
Well that being said, I always knew I was emotional but everything I have learned about emotional highs and lows have come from my daughters. Oh my gosh! I have never seen someone experience so many emotions in one day, let alone one minute!

Carrigan cheesing it up at the zoo (after whining until she got to be pulled in a wagon)

 My Carrigan can go from sweet and goofy to whiny and spiteful in a matter of milliseconds. We can literally be laughing and having a good time one moment and then I will tell her "No, you cannot have Smarties at 6:30am" and you would think I just told her she was never going to eat again. She's my munch monster...the girl can eat all day if I'd let her...except at dinner time when you give her a well-balanced meal and she looks at it, picks at it, and then asks for Smarties. I swear we don't give her Smarties all the time but when she does get them, it's like watching a crack addict get a long awaited fix (or so I assume). Her whining fits are, by far, the hardest part of my day sometimes but I have to remind myself she is on the young side of three and that I must be patient...and nap time and/or bedtime is just around the corner (and she cant tell time so if nap time needs to come a little sooner than later...well, at least I still have that advantage).

Crying because I wouldn't push her on the swing because I was trying to take a picture of her on said swing that she was happily swinging on seconds before this shot was taken...

I take pictures of my kids crying...all the time

Whining and crying and temper tantrums aside, there are some days that they don't even compare to the attitude of a five-year-old who is actually 5 going on 15. Charlotte Rose has a mouth on her that apparently, while in use, inhibits the listening ability of her ears. I blame school. Yes...Charlotte learned so many wonderful things at preschool this year. Letters, numbers, Bible stories, etc. However, she also learned heavy sighs, eye rolling, and back talking. Any Trinity preschool moms that might be reading this, I DO NOT blame you OR your children for these new habits just as I would hope you wouldn't blame me for anything your daughters brought home with them. It's just the school mentality that causes little girls to turn a wee bit bratty for some reason. It's like a weird scientific phenomenon that can only be explained by some weird algorithm or something. Actually I think I'll blame the Disney Channel programming...yeah, let's do that.

Charlotte is not impressed (Has anyone seen my sweet little girl?)

I write this because yesterday was a rough day. Both girls were in, what we politely call, "rare form". I wish I could say it was just yesterday but I honestly think it's been a week or two's worth of events that led up to this day. Long story short, I took the girls to Wal-Mart...it did not go well(do they ever?). I informed Charlotte that her dad would be made aware of her behavior...it did not go well. My husband and I had what I like to call a "Come to Jesus" talk with her about her behavior as of late...it did not go well. It ended with doors slamming in my face and listening to the wails of a child wronged ("Mommy is the MEANEST mommy" "I don't LOVE her anymore!" "I never get to do ANYTHING!").

Sweet little girl FOUND (for now at least)

However, a short hour later, she was a different child. Mild mannered, agreeable, loving...the spell apparently broken which led me to this thought as I sit listening to my children play together upstairs...at the end of the day, my kids are awesome...emotional outbursts and all. I am incredibly blessed to be here with them 24/7...even on the Jekyll and Hyde days.

Talk Nice, Mommy!

So recently I have made some pretty big changes in my life. After 8 long years in the banking industry and spending 5 of those 8 years as a working mother, my husband and I made the decision that we wanted to make from the beginning of our journey as parents. As of June 1st, I have been a stay at home mom to my beautiful girls. I have gotten a lot of unsolicited feedback from several people including, but not limited to, "You know it's not going to be easier, right?" and "Wow, seems silly to do it NOW that your oldest is starting kindergarten and your youngest isn't far behind" and my personal favorite, "What will you DO with ALL that free time?!". I have yet to find this elusive "free time" these people speak of but I do remain optimistic that it will come...someday...
Anyway, I digress...

Charlotte and Mommy enjoying the summer sun

 The decision to become a full time mommy has definitely been the best thing I have ever done. I am the happiest I have ever been. Even on a rough day when the girls just wont listen and speak in their native tongue (whining) ALL DAY LONG, I still feel more fulfilled than I did behind the teller line. These precious moments are a gift and I am doing my best to recognize the blessings that they are. And as 1950's as it sounds, I love serving my family (including my husband). For some women, the role of full time wife and mother robs them of their true identity and I get that. The work of a full time domestic goddess is not for the faint of heart. But as for me, for the first time ever, I feel...whole. Like I am FINALLY doing what I was meant to do. It is an unbelievable feeling of peace. However, my children and I are getting to know each other which has been...awkward.

The new boss has really been riding me hard lately...

So what do I mean by "getting to know each other"? Well of course I KNOW my children. I know their likes, dislikes, fears, quirks, etc. But have I been there day in and day out interacting with them 24/7? Nope. I would get them ready in the morning, take them to daycare for most of the day, and when I got home from work, I was on auto-pilot. So now, I am doing it all including full time discipline. In the past month, I have learned something kind of unpleasant about myself...I *gulp* am a yeller. Yep, I am that mom that yells about just about anything. I don't know why it happens and I know this isn't a NEW development but something has made me more aware.

Just the other day during "quiet time" (aka nap time) Charlotte was exceptionally chatty and I was exceptionally tired after a very long week of Bible School. My nerves were shot and my patience thin. In my frustration I spoke very harshly to Charlotte. I didn't say anything mean, per se, but the look of heartbreak on Charlotte's face was evident. She then tearfully says to me "Talk nice, mommy! You make me want to cry." Sure, I could have given her a million excuses as to why I was yelling but in that moment, they didn't seem valid. I HAD been yelling A LOT that day and she really didn't DO anything. I was just tired. So, I apologized. I explained WHY Mommy was yelling and that it wasn't HER fault but it didn't help me. I still felt about an inch tall.

I definitely fall into the trap that many adults fall into at times. The trap of speaking down to our children...bullying them without really MEANING to. Now that I am home all the time with the girls I am definitely more aware of HOW I speak to them and as ashamed as I am to say this, it's not always nice. Again, it's not WHAT I say but HOW I say it. So, I have made it my goal to speak to my girls with patience and compassion and most importantly...LOVE. Our children are a blessing and a gift from God and I will do my best to make sure they KNOW that. Wish me luck...these girls be dramatic as hell sometimes! :)