Faithfully:A Tribute

So, I have been in a real funk this week. I keep trying to get out but I am struggling. The reasons for it seem so childish and almost selfish but it's something that is weighing on my heart and I want...no...need to share it. I need to let it out so I can get back to my old self.

Sunday morning I woke up in the usual way. I drowsily picked up my phone, checked the forecast for the day, and hopped on my Facebook feed to see what I had missed in the 8 hours I had been sleeping. I then read this:

Statement on behalf of: GLEE Executive Producers, 20th Century Fox Television and FOX Broadcasting Company.

We are deeply saddened by this tragic news. Cory was an exceptional talent and an even more exceptional person. He was a true joy to work with and we will all miss him tremendously. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones.

My first thought was "No, no, no...I read that wrong" so I hopped on Google and as I started typing "C-O-R-Y M-O" I saw it. Cory Montieth dead. The news stories that popped up confirmed what I was so desperately hoping wasn't true. Cory Montieth, the star of my favorite TV show and a personal favorite of mine, had died at the age of 31. My heart was broken.

Let's start at the beginning. In May 2009 my husband and I watched the pilot episode of Glee. Naturally, we were drawn to it being that A) We're both from the Midwest B) We are both show choir veterans and C) We understand and appreciate why A&B are connected. Most importantly, we love music so Glee was right up our alley. The first episode was hilarious and mesmerizing. I STILL, to this day, get chills every time I hear the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believing". I immediately pledged my allegiance to Rachel Berry and her love for Finn Hudson (played by Montieth). From the beginning, I knew that Finn was no dumb jock. Week after week we tuned in, growing more attached to different members of the New Directions show choir but Finn was always a stand out favorite for Chris and I both. We laughed with him and cried with him...we even felt like kicking a chair or two with him. We both felt like we KNEW him.

Glee has really been a huge part of our lives since we started watching it. No matter what was going on in our lives we always looked forward to Glee night. For one hour, it was like being in another world and those kids became an extension of our lives. Their triumphs became ours and their tears were felt by us too. TV can be a really intimate experience if you let it.

When I found out about Cory Montieth's tragic death, my brain did not selfishly go to "BUT WHAT ABOUT GLEE?!" My first thought was about his family, friends, co-stars, and his love, Lea Michele, who plays his on-screen love interest. My heart broke for all of them. My heart hurts so much right now for those who actually KNEW him but I am also sad because I, like a lot of fans, feel like I lost a friend. He was such an AMAZING talent and seemed so humble and down to earth...someone to be admired. His demons did not and should not define him. He was human and he was sick.

So, why am I so sad...I don't know. Honestly, I am very confused by my emotions right now. I am still shocked. I keep checking my Twitter feed hoping and praying that they got it all wrong. That it was just a really really really mean practical joke or something...but it's not. It's really happening. How do I cope? I watch a lot of YouTube tribute videos and have myself a good, healthy, ugly cry...though I'm not sure WHY I'm crying. I didn't KNOW him personally. I was just a fan. I hurt because I do feel like I've watched him grow. As a person, an actor, a musician...I really do feel like I know him on some level. It's weird I guess. He, and the rest of the cast of Glee have been in our home every week through our television. I know Finn from the show is not a real person to be mourned. I just feel like this little Glee universe has been shaken. It's hard to imagine what they're all going through right now.

Well, consider my heart poured out. The world lost an amazing talent and a great person. I really do believe he was trying to beat this...and I'm pissed that he didn't. I pray that God heal the wounds that have been left behind and that people will remember the GOOD.

Rest in Peace 1982-2013