Demolishing Mean Girl Behavior

Well, it's been awhile and I'm sorry. Things have been pretty crazy around here with back to school preparation and end of summer fun. Thankfully, as of Tuesday, I officially became the mother of a kindergartner. I was really looking forward to this day as the sibling rivalry/bickering was reaching a fever pitch and to be honest, it was making me a little crazy. I never really understood why parents look forward to sending their little ones back to school but now, after my first summer as a SAHM, I can say, without a beat, that I TOTALLY get it now. I love my girls but I HATE the fighting.

When she grows up, she wants to be a ballerina.

 That being said though, at least for the first few weeks I'm sure, the peace I get during the day with only having one child to care for, is quickly made up for in the afternoon with a whiny and overtired kindergartner. All day school is hard for a 5 year old. As overwhelming as this whole kindergarten thing has been, it's opened up a dialogue that I'm very thankful to be having with my girls.

Always the ham

Growing up, I was always kind of awkward. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Always trying to fit in with the "cool kids" and always coming up short. I had a group of friends throughout elementary school that I am very thankful NOW...but back then, I always took them for granted.

I still don't understand why I was never prom queen

By the time I reached Jr High and High School, I had the pleasure for dealing with the mean girls. Honestly, I think any female of a certain age (well really, ANY age) will be able to tell you that the movie Mean Girls, in fact, was about THEIR high school experience. I wont say high school was terrible (believe me...other people had it much worse) but I would have loved for someone to stick up for me when the mean girls put me down or made me feel small. I wish I had stuck up for myself...but again, I just wanted to be liked. Admittedly, I brought it on myself sometimes. I blame shows like Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls for expanding my vocabulary to epic proportions. High school mean girls don't like it when you use words they don't understand while you correct their grammar. Also, I blame my mom for exposing me to classic cinema at an early age. Again, high school mean girls don't like it when you audibly guffaw at their lack of classic movie trivia (seriously, you don't know who Gene Kelly is? We cant be friends...). You know...I'm reading all this and realizing that maybe I was the mean girl. Really...aren't we all from time to time?

Anyway...I'm rambling...the point I'm TRYING to make is that I am starting a dialogue early with my daughter on the effects of bullying (whether it be physical, verbal, emotional). I've seen the beginnings of a bullying nature in her and I'm gonna nip that crap in the bud like yesterday! She's not a hitter (as most girls aren't) but her favorite tactic is uttering the phrase "Well, I'm not gonna be your friend if you don't do this". I've been there, I've felt that sting, and my daughter will not be THAT girl. So, on the first day of school, we sat down and had a little object lesson. An object lesson I plan to make a first day of school tradition.

This is what you need: A clean piece of paper...that's it.

Admittedly, I found this little lesson on Pinterest but I found it to be very effective (even for a 5 year old). Charlotte and I sat down with the said piece of paper. I told her the paper represented one of her classmates. I asked her to look at how clean the paper was...no dirt, no wrinkles,etc. This "person" was on top of the world and feeling pretty good about life and themselves. Then I wrinkled a corner and explained that someone just called him/her a stinky head. I wrinkled another corner and told her that someone pushed him/her on the playground. I wadded a little more and told her that no one wanted to play with him/her and so on and so forth until the whole paper was wadded up in a tight little ball. I then asked her what we could do to make it better. Of course she said we should apologize so I then started to straighten out the paper. Of course the paper was still very wrinkled. I told Charlotte that the object of this lesson was to teach her that even when we say we're sorry, the hurt from being mean to someone is still there.

Honestly, I didn't expect her to get it but I really think she did. I asked her to be on the look out for kids who didn't have anyone to play with and to reach out and be their friend. The world NEEDS kids like that. Thankfully at the age of 5, most kids are happy to play with anyone who wants to play but kids are being bullied at a younger age every day. Breaks my heart to hear of anyone taking their own life in any situation but when a child does it because they feel so broken is just heart wrenching.
I encourage you all to start the dialogue with your kids ASAP. Do NOT tolerate bullying on any level. I swear if I hear another person give the excuse of "kids will be kids" or "this is an important life skill to master and kids need to suck it up". Um, no, an important life skill is to teach your children is how to treat others with respect! No kid "deserves" to be bullied...even if they don't know who Gene Kelly is (I'm sorry...I couldn't resist). I know school comes with up and downs and I know that my daughter will eventually meet a "mean girl" but I will do everything in my power to see to it that she is not the mean girl. I want her to be the girl that everyone loves because of her beautiful heart and warm personality. Let's all teach our kids to be that person. Stand strong and set the example.
Well, until I blog again, I hope the start of fall finds you well. Welcome to the season of PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!